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Samantha Oliver

Counselling & Psychotherapy

Nantwich, Birmingham & Stoke on Trent.

Online, face to face and telephone sessions available.


SAMANTHAOLIVERCOUNSELLING

Compulsive sexual behaviours

&

Problematic Pornography


What is compulsive sexual behaviour?

As Gabor Mate said, ask ‘not what is your addiction, but what is your pain’.

Currently 'sex addiction' is the most broadly used term for sexual behaviours out of control or causing distress. Often addiction models are used to treat these distressing behaviours, which can include attending meetings similar to AA. There is no clinical evidence to support that problematic behaviour with sex or pornography is an addiction, there is also an argument that sex addiction models do not include adequate sexuality knowledge, futhur shame and pathologies people with diverse sexualities.


There is a lot of debate in regards to the treatment of sex and porn addiction. There are currently two polarised ways of treating this issue. Compulsive sexual behaviour models and sex addiction models - both argue that the other can be harmful. Both models lean heavily on research and often use the same research to back their models to support their positions. 


Why are both models polarised? Because sex addiction treatment includes abstinence and Compulsive sexual behaviour treatments encourages to engage in what you enjoy. Both models accept that problematic sex and porn is distressing.  


The aim of a compulsive sexual behaviour model is to help people regain control over their behaviours and make conscious decisions that promote sexual health and therefore overall health. The world health organisation (WHO) recognises that sex is a very important part of human life and overall happiness.

Compulsive Sexual Behaviour can look like:

Only having sex or porn as a way to sooth your emotions


Relationship issues


Dissatisfaction in sexual relationship with partner


Masturbating or having sex even when you're not enjoying it - or in pain

Preoccupation with sex or porn which effects relationships, work, and other areas of your life


Feeling numb, depressed and anxious


Feeling as though you're sneaking around to make time to watch pornography, hook ups, see escorts or have affairs

How I treat Compulsive sexual behaviour and problematic pornography use:

  • Take a look at your behaviours and what causes the distress, and what doesn't
  • History taking, looking at your past - the distress and your current resources
  • Taking a look at your feelings and helping you to self sooth in other ways 
  • Look at your erotic self, your attitudes to sex
  • Explore your desire and urges - what behaviours you want to keep and those you don't
  • Explore your core beliefs and values
  • A look at impulse control and duel awareness
  • Integration of the underlying distress that will have identified
  • Rebuilding the relationship with different parts of yourself - ego state work 
  • Looking at continuing to build your life via healthy relationships, hobbies, career. Building your self esteem 
  • Rebuilding the relationship that may have been damaged due to the behaviours, if this is a necessity
  • Helping you to continue to thrive sexually and integrate your sexuality into your life and relationship/s

Compulsive sexual behaviour models are accepting of your diversity and seek to integrate what you love into your life and not take it away.


They are also ethical and safe in that there is an aim in the treatment based on the six principles of sexual health (Pan America Health Organisation):


  1. Consent
  2. Non-exploitation
  3. Protection from HIV, STI and unwanted pregnancy
  4. Honesty
  5. Shared values
  6. Mutual pleasure

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